My Journey To Freedom

I would like to share something personal that I've been going through for a while. Hopefully it will help someone. Through 3 people in my life God showed me that I needed to be going to counseling in order to break through some of my problems I've been having since forever ago. I have been having problems with the same things over and over. I started having fears of going out to eat with my husband in a restaurant. I would rather stay home. I never wanted to go anywhere. I would be afraid when walking the dog around the apartment complex by myself. I was so nervous when being in a big crowd, even at my own church. Small group was even a problem for me. I felt so out of place anywhere I was and felt unworthy. I've felt this way since I can remember. I was going through times of depression although I had no idea because it was normal to me and I thought depression was worse than what I was experiencing. I was having a really rough time with my family. Especially my dad. He was never really what I needed in life. I always wanted love from him though and I never received it from God correctly. It bothered me he never called me or never wanted to come visit us. When I decided to go to counseling I was a nervous wreck. My counselor is amazing though. She works with all kinds of people in all kinds of serious situations and she's a pastor's wife so that helped too. The first thing I learned was that I dealt with anxiety and depression. I had no idea. I didn't know any better. I started reading about anxiety and what God says about it. After a while I started to notice when anxiety would overcome me. Progress! Noticing it! I started to read about renewing your mind. I started to take control of my thoughts and emotions through Jesus. Looking back now I can't believe I didn't recognize any of this anxiety stuff. It's so obvious now. I dug up a lot of stuff. Went through some grieving over my family and not feeling loved. My counselor helped with some positive self talk I could use to help my mind. I started to actually do it one day and it was relieving. My breakthrough came about 3 months into counseling during the Superbowl. We went downtown to the Super Bowl festivities the Friday before the game! Not something I would normally do! I felt anxiety overcome me when we got down there. I started praying and talking positive to myself. As we were walking through the sea of people it was like something lifted off of me! I started to have fun and wanted to go check out different stuff. I left feeling all hyped up. After that night I was wanting me and my husband to go out to eat and actually do things out of the house. It was like I was hyped up on something. Haha! The heaviness was gone! I wasn't worried about what was going on around me. Freedom tasted so good! Time went on and I began to use all the tools God and my counselor gave me in certain situations. Now, I have to point out that I never new how to take control over my mind. It was always weak and I never did it before. So it was so hard! Still is too. That is a big issue in overcoming anxiety and depression. I started taking our dog for walks by myself. I started to get a grip on my thoughts when Jason would leave and go somewhere and anxiety tried to take over. During my last visit to my counselor at the end of February I was told that I no longer had to come!! Success!! I now have the tools to fight this! I've tasted Jesus' freedom that He paid for already. That He wants all of us to live in. God is so good. He is our own personal counselor too. He talked to me and helped me all through this even though I went to a counselor too. Sometimes we need both. I'm still working through this. But I have claimed my freedom and can say anxiety and depression no longer control me. What is cool too is that I've been having to take sleep meds due to acting out my dreams in my sleep. Being very active. My doctor said it may be a sleep disorder and I needed to take the meds. Well I noticed the dreams decreased when I started counseling. I hardly ever have them now. I just went back to the doctor and he said I could start weaning myself off the meds! I'm believing this sleep stuff is from the anxiety I've dealt with and that with time and by God's healing I will be able to be off of it completely! God is so awesome!! I hope this helps someone. At least lets you know Jesus is there. Waiting to love on you and help and heal you. It may take some time. But it will happen for you.

Free From Shame

Today I read Isaiah 54. God has spoken to me through this chapter lots of times and in different areas of my life. What I remembered today was verses 7-10. "For a brief moment I forsook you, but with with great compassion and mercy I will gather you (to Me) again. In a little burst of wrath I hid My face from you for a moment, but with age-enduring love and kindness I will have compassion and mercy on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer. For this is like the days of Noah to Me; as I swore that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth, so have I sworn that I will not be angry with you or rebuke you. For though the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you."
This is what God spoke to me when I came back to Him after 4 or so years of running from Him. I did wrong things, bad things in His eyes and I ran from Him. But when I decided to follow the tugging on my heart from Him and come back to Him He opened His arms wide open for me. He also spoke verse 4 to me. "Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not (seriously) remember the reproach of your widowhood any more."
He will remove your shame and dishonor so that we won't remember it anymore. I do remember some of the things I've done but I know that God does not. And I know that it is a part of my past the He has cleansed me from. We don't have to be rooted in shame. We can be free from it. This has been a big deal in my life lately. I've been learning to push past these feelings of shame. Claim what God promises us with me and let us walk with Him into freedom! He loves us so much, no matter what we've done.

Struggles

I've been struggling some lately. Feeling things I haven't felt in a long time. Insecurity, anxiety with some other things. I know it's hard to come out of the funk when it feels so strong. I've started by reading some verses on how I've been feeling and listening to worship music. It's helped me a lot this morning! Although I still feel a little bit funky I feel much better. God comes to us when we seek Him and call for Him. He won't ever leave us. He's close to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit. Speak His name out loud, seek Him, listen to music that ministers to your soul and get some exercise. Exercise does really help. I think in some way it is spiritual just like sleep! I forgot sleep. Get sleep! We are not in our right minds when we are really tired. This song by Misty Edwards has ministered a lot to me this morning. Listen to it and let is refresh your spirit. Search in Youtube Misty Edwards Only a shadow. I couldn't get a link to work. Sorry. I love God! He is so awesome!

Living on the Illuminated Word of God

So as I was trying to read the Bible today I was convicted of something. God speaks mostly to me through reading books. He gives me new things that are just for me but when I try to read God's Word I can't really get those new and fresh ideas. I realized I was living a lot on regurgitated food (things God gave people as fresh and new and then they give it to other people). Which is fine but I need to also be getting fresh stuff straight from God. I remember reading in The Bait of Satan by John Bevere about living on the illuminating Word of God. Which is what God shows you through His word. The revelation He shows you. So short and sweet make sure you are getting some fresh wisdom from God's Word and not just from what other people are telling you. Don't get me wrong I loved reading books and that's I learn mostly just don't let that be all you learn from.

Light The Night Walk For Maeci

My Thoughts On Being Mean

I've always had a strong conviction about not being mean to people even jokingly.  I know what it feels like to be made fun of and to get your feelings hurt by someone that was just joking but you had a bad day or your emotions were on the fringe at the time.  I think you should always be building people up.  I've been studying up on verses that talk about stuff like this.  A couple are Ephesians 4:29-32 and Ephesians 5:1-7  I think their is some other ones but I haven't found them yet.  I keep having certain lines run through my head like their is another verse but I can't remember it at all.  I encourage you to do your own study about it and to look up these verses.  They hit points about not saying bad things to people but building people up.  Also things to put away from you, things that aren't fitting for us as saints.  New King James version is good but The Message and New English Contemporary is good too.  Those kind of say it more in a modern way.  That's just what is on my heart this morning.  Building people up and helping them instead of being rude and mean even in a joking way.  Let us always be a help to someone.

Offense

I have been reading John Bevere's book The Bait of Satan.http://www.amazon.com/Bait-Satan-Anniversary-Devotional-Supplement/dp/159185413X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314711279&sr=8-1  This book has been opening my eyes to so much stuff!  It has humbled me greatly.  I really encourage everyone to read this!  I want to quote some things out of it for you.  The book talks about Joseph being sold as a slave by his brothers.  His family!  And then being put in prison for something he didn't do.  He really was treated  unfairly.  He had a great attitude through all of it though.  He became 2nd in command only under pharaoh.  Their was a famine and his family came to Egypt to get food and Joseph so could have gotten revenge.  But he was nice to them and gave them the best in the land.  Also David was hunted down by Saul.  His leader and father in his eyes.  Twice David could have killed Saul and chose not to.  He became king later.  But he allowed God to defend him.  He didn't defend himself.  John Bevere points out that in Joseph's story that Joseph said "But now, do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life.  For these two years the famine has been in the land, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting.  And God sent me before you to preserve a posterity for you in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance.  So now it was not you who sent me here, but God." Genesis 45:5-8  Also Psalm 105:16-17 "Moreover He (God) called for a famine in the land; He destroyed all the provision of bread.  He sent a man before them-Joseph-who was sold as a slave."  Wow! So this is saying God sent him!  God knew what was going to happen to Joseph and David after all the things they went through.    The book states after a long discussion on these stories and many others this.  Nothing can get you out of the will of God! Only you can.  By your attitude.  The book also makes the point that if Joseph was let out of prison and he had bitterness and offense and killed his brothers he would have killed the heads of the tribes of Israel.  One being the lineage of Christ! Whoa!  That is just amazing!  Ok so the book also says Many people have been serving the Lord fervently and have come into difficult life situations because of being mistreated by either wicked men or or carnal Christians.  The truth is that they have been treated unjustly.  But to become offended would only fulfill the enemy's purpose of getting them out of the will of God.  If you stay free from offense you will stay in God's will.  If you become offended you will be taken captive by the enemy to fulfill his own purpose and will.  Take your pick.  It is much more beneficial to stay free from offense.  I have a problem with offense.  I get offended easily sometimes.  So reading all of this and much more stuff I have had a new desire set in my heart by God to not be easily offended.  I want to pursue peace.  I want to have the right attitude even if I have been mistreated or if I just think I've been mistreated when I really haven't.  That can happen too! I don't want to give God's will over to satan.  I want to stay in God's will.  Only You can get out of God's will by your choices.  I urge you not to become easily offended.  I know it's hard.  I hope this has helped someone.  Those were just a few things that stuck out to me a lot.  God wants us to live at peace with each other.  God is so good you guys!  And He wants to love you so much!