Monday, March 19, 2012
My Journey To Freedom
I would like to share something personal that I've been going through for a while. Hopefully it will help someone. Through 3 people in my life God showed me that I needed to be going to counseling in order to break through some of my problems I've been having since forever ago. I have been having problems with the same things over and over. I started having fears of going out to eat with my husband in a restaurant. I would rather stay home. I never wanted to go anywhere. I would be afraid when walking the dog around the apartment complex by myself. I was so nervous when being in a big crowd, even at my own church. Small group was even a problem for me. I felt so out of place anywhere I was and felt unworthy. I've felt this way since I can remember. I was going through times of depression although I had no idea because it was normal to me and I thought depression was worse than what I was experiencing. I was having a really rough time with my family. Especially my dad. He was never really what I needed in life. I always wanted love from him though and I never received it from God correctly. It bothered me he never called me or never wanted to come visit us. When I decided to go to counseling I was a nervous wreck. My counselor is amazing though. She works with all kinds of people in all kinds of serious situations and she's a pastor's wife so that helped too. The first thing I learned was that I dealt with anxiety and depression. I had no idea. I didn't know any better. I started reading about anxiety and what God says about it. After a while I started to notice when anxiety would overcome me. Progress! Noticing it! I started to read about renewing your mind. I started to take control of my thoughts and emotions through Jesus. Looking back now I can't believe I didn't recognize any of this anxiety stuff. It's so obvious now. I dug up a lot of stuff. Went through some grieving over my family and not feeling loved. My counselor helped with some positive self talk I could use to help my mind. I started to actually do it one day and it was relieving. My breakthrough came about 3 months into counseling during the Superbowl. We went downtown to the Super Bowl festivities the Friday before the game! Not something I would normally do! I felt anxiety overcome me when we got down there. I started praying and talking positive to myself. As we were walking through the sea of people it was like something lifted off of me! I started to have fun and wanted to go check out different stuff. I left feeling all hyped up. After that night I was wanting me and my husband to go out to eat and actually do things out of the house. It was like I was hyped up on something. Haha! The heaviness was gone! I wasn't worried about what was going on around me. Freedom tasted so good! Time went on and I began to use all the tools God and my counselor gave me in certain situations. Now, I have to point out that I never new how to take control over my mind. It was always weak and I never did it before. So it was so hard! Still is too. That is a big issue in overcoming anxiety and depression. I started taking our dog for walks by myself. I started to get a grip on my thoughts when Jason would leave and go somewhere and anxiety tried to take over. During my last visit to my counselor at the end of February I was told that I no longer had to come!! Success!! I now have the tools to fight this! I've tasted Jesus' freedom that He paid for already. That He wants all of us to live in. God is so good. He is our own personal counselor too. He talked to me and helped me all through this even though I went to a counselor too. Sometimes we need both. I'm still working through this. But I have claimed my freedom and can say anxiety and depression no longer control me. What is cool too is that I've been having to take sleep meds due to acting out my dreams in my sleep. Being very active. My doctor said it may be a sleep disorder and I needed to take the meds. Well I noticed the dreams decreased when I started counseling. I hardly ever have them now. I just went back to the doctor and he said I could start weaning myself off the meds! I'm believing this sleep stuff is from the anxiety I've dealt with and that with time and by God's healing I will be able to be off of it completely! God is so awesome!! I hope this helps someone. At least lets you know Jesus is there. Waiting to love on you and help and heal you. It may take some time. But it will happen for you.